Older and Wiser: What does that look like?

Recently, a magazine I occasionally peruse featured an article called, “9 Things to Know before You Turn 30” (does this give away their target demographic or what?). As I am still a part of the under 30 crowd, I thought it might be worth a read. Now that I’ve read it I don’t know that it was, in fact, worth it. Quite honestly, if this is the kind of advice my generation needs to grow more mature, well, let’s just say the future holds little hope.

Clearly, I was irritated and even slightly offended by the article, but it did make me think. What does older and wiser look like? Like it or not (and some days, I really don’t like it) I am on the part of the trail marked “Adulthood”. Aside from holding down a job, paying my bills on time, and finding the occasional gray hair, what does that mean?

So far, it’s meant that I am acquiring the life experience to match the wealth of knowledge I’ve gained from too much higher education. I can’t say that that has made me any wiser, but has taught me quite a bit about myself and about other people. I’ve also found that it means I am making all the decisions about everything- from where I live to what doctor I see to what I eat, and while that may sound amazing to someone who doesn’t currently make those decisions for themselves, I assure you, it frequently scares the life out of me.

So to those who are older and wiser… what do I really need to know before I turn 30? What exactly does older AND wiser look like?

Pursuing Wholeness...

This week I have been preparing a narrative sermon based on Luke 8:40-48. For those who can't randomly connect stories to Scriptural references (don't worry, I can't either), its the story of the woman who touches the hem of Jesus' cloak and is healed.

The story is incredibly powerful- a woman, marginalized by a condition she couldn't control rendering her unclean, and thus unable to engage in society, is so drawn to Jesus that she touches his garment in a crowd. She did so at enormous risk- by touching him, by even being in the crowd she was rendering Jesus and any she bumped into unclean and therefore, unable to worship or interact with others. The gain, however, was huge- she was made whole and Jesus sent her in peace. Seven days after that, she was able to be cleaned and could rejoin society. She could go to the temple to worship. She could go to the well when others were present. She didn't have to worrry about being in a crowd anymore.

The more I learn about the Gospel, about this whole having a relationship with Jesus, its that it is about wholeness in every area of life. Jesus wants us to be whole, fully restored people and He will go to absolutely incredible ends to do that for us. I am talking physical, mental, emotional, spiritual restoration. The question for us is simply how bad do we want it? Because of my own circumstances recently, I have been faced with the question: what of my present reality am I willing to risk to be whole? How much do I trust Him? Am I willing to reach out and touch the hem of His cloak?

Shouldn't this be hard?

So I am well into Lent at this point, having now survived several weeks without television and movies. To be honest, now that the initial "wait, I can't turn on my tv" has passed, I am surprised at how relaxing its been to be without them both. I'm actually getting more homework done, spending quality time with people (engaging them in conversation as opposed to zoning out to a movie in the same space), and reading more. I feel like I am waiting for that bumpy space when I become completely and totally miserable because I gave something up for Lent...and yet, its not there.

I don't want to pretend like Lent hasn't been a bit of a rough patch for me- God is bringing out things in my life I had left long buried and exposing them to the light. My picture of myself and my picture of God are both sadly distorted in some areas, and gently, He's been correcting that. I am going through a process of refinement and recommitment to my relationship with God. That process, in case your wondering, has been completely gut wrenching at times, and I've probably cried more in the past month than I have in a long time.

Slowly, I am casting aside the notion that life has to be difficult in order to be really lived. Where exactly does that idea capture the joy, peace, and hope of the Gospel? How then, does it line up with Jesus' promise that His, "...yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light" (Matthew 11:28)? Um, it doesn't.

This journey has been worth it. Yes, I have cried, and had to rethink some things. But in the midst of the hard stuff, there have been moments of deep joy, utter contentment, and amazing freedom. In setting aside something temporarily and being willing to engage God, I feel like I've gained far more than I've lost. And I can't wait for Easter. To celebrate, really and truly joyfully celebrate, the resurrection.

Practical skills that didn't come with a college degree...

So I am still paying off my college degree, even as I earn another one (that claims I will have Mastered something- ha!) But instead of theories of radical behaviorism or religious development in America, I wish I'd learned things like:
-How to dismantle a copy machine to un-jam it without getting toner all over myself
-Spanish for business instead of tourism
-How to write concise e-mails, business letters, and memos
-The importance of having a first aid kit in your desk
-How to avoid paper cuts when sending out a mass mailing
-The value of a caffeine addiction ... pros and cons
-What, exactly, to do with an unpredictable screaming person on the other end of the phone
-The importance of buying new tires for a vehicle BEFORE winter hits
-Budgeting
-Things NOT TO SAY to Human Resources...ever.
-Newton's other law: If you already have too many things to do you can guarantee 10 more things will land there in the course of a day, all marked urgent.
I'm not saying a college education isn't valuable. I'm just saying mine didn't do me any favors some days...

My Lenten journey- Week 1

This year, after several years spent not observing it, I made the decision to engage Lent. Although its not necessarily part of my upbringing or church background, I started observing Lent my senior year of high school with a number of my Roman Catholic co-workers. At that point, all I knew about Lent was that it started on a Wednesday and it involved giving something up until Easter. Over the years, I’ve given up chocolate, coffee, and meat on Fridays, and I can’t say that it made a substantial difference in my relationship with God. In fact, I’d venture a guess that it simply made me whinier and more difficult to be around (particularly the year I gave up coffee).

This year my approach was different. Lent is a season of preparation. It’s a time of reflection, soul-searching, and repentance. It’s not simply a time of abstinence, but also a time to engage God at a deeper level. With that in mind, in consultation with God, I made the decision to fast movies and television.

It sounds easy, maybe even a tad bit silly. I don’t really have time for those things anyway, do I? You’d be surprised.

What I’ve realized in the past few days is what I use television and movies for. All too frequently, I use movies to escape reality. This isn’t tragic, but it surprised me how often it happens. Instead of engaging God after a frustrating day or when I’m feeling emotional, or making any effort to process what’s going on inside my head, I simply sit in front of a screen and shut down.

Even worse, I (and others) use television and movies as a means of luring me to stop and rest. I am on the go a lot, and recently, I had bronchitis. Although I conceded to two sick days, per my doctors orders, once I returned to work I continued at the ridiculous pace of my normal life, not considering that I needed to continue to rest. On two occasions, friends asked me to watch movies/television programs with them simply because they knew it would get me to sit still for a period of time and relax.

It was noticeably quieter around my apartment this past weekend. The television wasn't on as I got ready for work in the morning, or as I took care of chores around the apartment. My times with God have gotten a bit longer. And I’m learning, ever so slowly, how to stop. It raises more questions then anything. Do I trust God enough to stop and rest? When did I stop consulting God about scheduling and start overscheduling on a nearly daily basis?

I’m still working on the answers….but so far its just been helpful to pause long enough to ask the questions.

Encouragement

A friend posted this story, and it really encouraged me, so I thought I'd share.
http://aprilanz23.blogspot.com/2009/09/strength-of-character.html

Above All Else Part II

Yesterday, I posted a video featuring the song "Above All Else" by Vicki Beeching. The song has been stuck in my head for days. While that is not a new phenonmenon, it seemed kind of strange to me. I didn't own a copy of the song (literally I just downloaded the CD on itunes last night), and it had been awhile since we had sung it in church. It made me stop and think. The lyrics (for those that didn't hear the song, or need the visual) are:

Jesus, my passion in life is to know You
May all other goals bow down to this journey of loving You more
Jesus, You've showered Your goodness on me

But there's one thing I'm longing for

Above all else

Above all else

Above all else

Give me yourself

Savior, the more that I see Your beauty

The more that I glimpse Your glory

My heart is captured by You

Jesus, You are my greatest treasure

Nothing this world can offer

Could ever compare to You

So hear my hearts cry

And my prayer for this life

[Lyrics found at http://www.lyricsmania.com/]

I wonder if the Lord is asking for more of my attention. Are my other goals bowed down to the journey of loving Him more? Is my passion in life really to know Him? This song seems like a prayer, and I wonder if its going through my head because the Lord is asking me to make it my prayer.

For those interested in purchasing the CD, I went to itunes: http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewAlbum?id=111326525&s=143441