On Liturgy and Lent

I miss the liturgy. There’s an irony in that statement, because if you know my history, you know that other than a brief stint when I served with IVCF at Loyola, I’ve never regularly attended Mass. I grew up and now serve in the Nazarene church (an evangelical holiness denomination for those unaware)…but sometimes I feel like I missing something.

I LOVE my church. Hear me on that, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE hear me on that. But I miss the liturgy, and the way that engages so many of my senses. I love the way I am required to actively participate by kneeling, reciting, and responding. The introvert in me hates the passing of the peace (I totally slip in right before service and sit in the last two rows hoping to be completely unnoticed), but I love the recitation “Peace be with you” that accompanies it. There are candles burning and stained glass and I am hearing and reciting prayers that people have prayed for thousands of years and that will be prayed by people across the globe that very day. I join the rhythm of worship with others.

For those unfamiliar with the church calendar, today is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of the Lenten season. Lent is a time of remembrance and preparation for the celebration of Easter. And engaging it has changed my life and renewed my faith. So this morning, at 7:30am, before class, before the start of my workday, I went down to the Episcopal Church for their first Ash Wednesday service of the day. The Scripture reading was, great irony of ironies, Isaiah 58:1-12.

I came out of the church with ashes smudged on my forehead, a profound reminder that I join the tradition of others, and a deep sense that I want to worship God this Lenten season. I want to know Him. And I want to get rid of the stuff that keeps me from doing that and replace it with stuff that does.

Part of that process for me this year is fasting coffee. Coffee represents, and supports, a lifestyle which I need to walk away from. It enables a complete and total lack of balance which I can no longer sustain and be in right relationship with God. But, as I was reminded this morning in a conversation with K. (as I planted myself on a chair in her office, exhausted), it cannot just be about the fasting. I need to replace the unhealthy pattern of imbalance with a healthier pattern of self awareness and the drawing of boundaries. I cannot go Sabbathless indefinitely. Or continue to push through when I am sick (like I am right now). And eventually, I would like to stop double booking on a weekly basis.

I am no different from the Israelites addressed in Isaiah 58. But there is salvation, for the Lord declares, “If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath and from doing as you please on my holy day, if you call the Sabbath a delight and the LORD’s holy day honorable, and if you honor it by not going your own way and not doing as you please or speaking idle words, then you will find your joy in the LORD, and I will cause you to ride in triumph on the heights of the land and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob.” For the mouth of the LORD has spoken.” So I fast for Lent and I will fumblingly place boundaries where there are none. And I cling fast to His promise in Isaiah 58:13 – that the result will be joy.