On Community

The other night, in a moment of exhausted irritation and self indulgent rage, I shot off a passionate, but incredibly verbose ranting email to a dear friend. What caused such ire and sheer volume of language? The ever so popular, evangelical Christian phrase, "doing life together".

In my frustration, I wrote: "Christians should be banned from using the phrase, 'doing life together'. At least 95%of people who use that phrase see each other once during the week and on Sundays. And they Instagram each other. Or post on Facebook...and we all know Facebook isn't real life.

I want to say to them: "You know what it actually means to do life together? Being there, often. Conflict, which feels messy. Holding puking heads over the toilet and occasional ER visits. A lot of laughing. Silly conversations that mean laughing...and that sometimes lead to conflict. Vulnerability. Letting others see the messy bits of life- the dishes in the sink, laundry piled in the corner, mascara streaming down the face with tears, the "I hurt like heck and I can't articulate why but I need you to sit here and shut up until I can" moments, the "you can come over for dinner but I'm totally having cereal" offers, the days in which God seems angry and distant and trite answers feel like a band aid and you realize the person you love has their artery severed and a trite band aid isn't going to cut it. It's hard conversations and trips to the grocery store and coffee. Doing life together means you may have literally seen their dirty laundry.

And you love them. Because they are who they are. Because you are with them on this crazy journey. Because they helped you see that you're way more normal than you thought...or that other people are just as crazy. Actually doing life together means other people look on and see love. They see God having broken through in the selfishness and pain and cracks and bleeding and falsehood in this world to display something real. That is doing life together. And it's a much bigger commitment than a Bible Study from 7-9 every wed. But So much better too."

Community, real community, the beautiful kind of community, is where you can really truly come as you are. And it happens in the moments when you look at each other and say, "yeah, I want to walk with you" even knowing that that is going to be hard. It is messy, and there is conflict, and sometimes it's not convenient. It requires a commitment. But it is worth it. Every single time, it is worth it.

People are looking for something real. And we show off our real faith while living out shallow relationships. In Acts 2, when people were being saved daily, I don't think it had anything to do with the worship band at the Temple, or because life groups are a good church model. People saw the Spirit of God present in the community of faith- they saw people who met together everyday in the Temple courts, people who ate together and who reveled in one another's company, people who were sacrificing to meet one another's needs, people who were willing to be real, and they responded. They saw love.

The picture of community that I drew is one I have experienced. And it changed me.

Painting a different picture

Recently, I had the opportunity to travel and visit a friend abroad. It was an absolutely amazing trip, one I hope to post about in the near future, and in the moments of rest I had a number of realizations.

While I love traveling, one of the most difficult things for me is that period of adjustment at the beginning of the trip when I am surrounded by unfamiliar sights, sounds, smells, and languages. For the first twenty four hours in Haiti, I felt like I was in a daze, taking it all in and attempting to engage those around me. I have a tendency towards insecurity, and that, coupled with a vulnerability at being in unfamiliar surroundings made my defenses shoot up pretty fast. This wasn't a surprise to me, and I don't think it was a surprise to the friend I was visiting, but what did surprise me is the way I was talking about myself.

My friend J. scolded me a few times about the things I was saying about myself, but at first, her comments flew over me. Finally, one afternoon, even I heard myself. I was not just being negative about myself- some of my comments were downright mean.

I am aware that I have some incredibly negative views of myself- not good enough, not smart enough, doesn't try hard enough, not enough-to name a few. My self-portrait is dark, and angry, and doesn't look pretty. But I didn't realize how dark it was, how angry it was, until that afternoon. Working in customer service, I've been on the receiving end of some amount of verbal abuse and swearing, but believe me, no one has ever said things as cruel as the things I said to myself that day. Is that really who I think I am?

If you asked me, I would tell you that I believe words matter. I would agree with Proverbs 18:21 that the power of life and death is in the tongue. And yet, somehow, this has never applied to the words that I used towards myself. It hasn't limited the callousness of the words I aim only at myself.

So how does this change?

Honestly, what has to change is how I view myself. Somehow, there has to be a movement from how I see myself to how God sees me. And so I asked, how does God see me?

 "God spoke: 'Let us make human beings in our image, make them
        reflecting our nature
    So they can be responsible for the fish in the sea,
        the birds in the air, the cattle,
    And, yes, Earth itself,
        and every animal that moves on the face of Earth.”
    God created human beings;
        he created them godlike,
    Reflecting God’s nature.
        He created them male and female.
    God blessed them:
        “Prosper! Reproduce! Fill Earth! Take charge!
    Be responsible for fish in the sea and birds in the air,
        for every living thing that moves on the face of Earth.'” Genesis 1:26-28

Who am I? I am made in the image of an eternal God. I, like Adam and Eve, was intentionally created. And I am deeply loved.

 

I may not instantly adjust to this image of myself. But reading those words again today helped me to begin painting a different picture, and it is my prayer that they begin to take root in my mind and heart and change the things I say, especially about myself.